Unsolicited Advice
Before my family had left, on Thanksgiving Day, we were putting autumn officially to rest. It had been a long time since Charlotte put up a Christmas tree, thus Kate took her Mother, on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, to select our tree, which spent the night, in the garage, waiting for the leaves to settle. Prior to Tim and Doug saying their goodnights, on Thanksgiving, they helped Kate stand the tree up, in the living room, and get ready to be decorated, over the coming weekend.
We went to sleep with Thanksgiving and woke up to Christmas, but in between the two most important holidays, of the Christian calendar this year, comes one of the most important days in Hannah’s life – yes, pretty significant for Tim, as well, it matters a great deal to Doug, and there are not enough words available to speak of its relevance to Caroline, who began praying that God would send Hannah the perfect husband, before Hannah was born. For me, however, my focus is on the bride.
As we scurried around the house, on Friday, packing up the fall decorations and beginning to create our winter wonderland, my thoughts and chatter, were about Hannah and her tea party. In the following days, as the tree came to life, and the knick-knacks, around the house, were changed from a ceramic vase to a porcelain sleigh, and from Polish dolls to gingerbread people, I began to unpack the things I had been collecting, for the tea party, seeing if my ideas would work and checking what I still needed.
Charlotte asked, as I attended to place cards, why I was so happy to be giving Hannah a tea party, after having done so much for Thanksgiving. (I think she was a bit perplexed at Kate and my work ethic) It took me less than a second to answer her, I said: Because she is allowing me to. Charlotte grew silent; as I thought about how it is no small thing to be permitted to celebrate life with those you love, whether in a festive state of merriment, like the wedding of a niece, or in sitting to grieve, the loss of a family member or friend. What else matters, in life, except our interaction with each other?
The next day, Charlotte raised the topic again, and I expounded on my original answer, which apparently had failed to satisfy her curiosity.
I told her that I remember when I first learned that someone I loved, from the moment I knew they had come into existence, announced that they were to be married, and I erroneously assumed I would be making their wedding cake and for that matter catering their dinner, gratis of course, plans we had talked about years before. I went out and bought everything I thought I would need, to make a spectacular wedding cake, told Kate to schedule a couple of weeks off, book the Residence Inn, and plan on spending a bit of cash – she of course said fine. But, as it turned out, the Bride had since made other plans, okay, so it goes.
The second wedding that I thought I would participate in, was for another person I had loved, who before having left my home, in Florida, after what I thought a very pleasant stay, peppered with trips to all Floridian sights, which I thought the fiancés would enjoy or stated that they wanted to see, told me that the next time we would meet again, would be at their wedding. Once again, Kate scheduled time off, made financial plans, and I went to work, on what contribution I could make to this bride’s happy day. I was not invited to that wedding.
Thus, when I heard about Hannah’s wedding, I spunkily dusted off all of my old dreams about contributing to this moment; though I certainly have felt included in Hannah falling in love, getting engaged, her bridal shower, and all of the approaching excitement, which has been divinely wonderful and for which I am grateful. However, I still wanted to do something special for her, something which helps to show her how very much I love and have loved her all of her life.
Despite all of the past rejection, one would think I would learn, somehow I managed to find enough chutzpah to offer to make her cake and cater her dinner, which would have been much more simple, than before, given I would not have to cook at the Residence Inn; however, other plans were made. The bridesmaids and the Mother were in charge of the shower, the groom the honeymoon . . . I was starting to feel like the perpetual wallflower, when the idea of a tea party for Hannah and her bridesmaid popped into my head. I believe I first ran it by Caroline, who thought it a nice idea, then Miss Hannah, who I think thought it a nice idea, but somewhere between her trips to Europe and Florida, going back to school, working, looking for her and Tim’s first home, planning a wedding, and life, the tea party felt like it was slipping away, but alas it was not.
A few weeks ago, Hannah told me if it was not too late, she had a list of her bridesmaid, and we were on!
I told Charlotte how much I wanted to participate in this most memorable of moments in my nieces life, to give her and her bridesmaids a special, magical, experience with each other, as Hannah prepares to enter a new role, in her life; I also told Charlotte how I believe in the notion of passing on our blessings, wisdom, and joy from one generation to another, and how honored I felt to be allowed to share in Hannah’s celebration.
I am not sure that Charlotte left understanding that for me, if all I am allowed to do is to sweep the floor, of the cathedral, as it were, then I want to make sure that floor shines; which is my unsolicited advice to you – do not stop trying, just because you have failed in the past, and when a new opportunity presents itself, risk getting hurt and rejected, and throw your hat into the ring anyway – you never know, the third time may be the charm! That is all for now.
