A Call for Civility Equates to “big fat Clown Cristina”
“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” ~ Matthew 12: 9-12 ~
Would it not be lovely, if we all lived by The Golden Rule; if we treated other people the way we would like to be treated?
You know, if instead of the driver, in the other lane, who feels cut off by you or annoyed you will not let them in, or that you are driving too slow, knew that you were not trying to be a distracted driver, just that your baby suddenly cried out and you turned to see how to soothe him, thus there was no need for that driver to roll down their window, scream at you, and then speed up to block your need to change lanes?
Have you noticed the lack of civility in our society? You know, the woman, who sees your hands are full, caring that crying baby, while trying to find your wallet, to pay for your groceries, and answer a text from your husband, whose car has broken down, and needs a ride, and all she cares about is that you dropped a greeting card on the floor, and it is impeding the movement of her cart. She could so easily simply pick it up, put it on the conveyer belt or hand it to you, instead, she starts making noises, to express her frustration, and finally flat out tells you to pick-up the card that you are wasting her time.
I feel rather certain, that as you read the above words, countless examples of people being mean, nasty, and rude, ran through your mind, many of which did not simply leave you frustrated, but hurt. Do you wonder why we are not nice to each other? I feel like we used to be a much kinder people.
Recently, I slipped into a courtyard café, in a museum, for a double espresso. I wanted to write down a few notes, contemplate my days’ agenda, and savor how pleased I was that the man, who had made my coffee, wore not only a bow tie, but also a pocket square. As I stood at the “cream and sugar bar” I crossed paths with a very pleasant woman, perhaps five to ten years, older than me, handsomely dressed, and soft-spoken. She and I had reached for lemon, she for tea, and I for my water, at the same moment. I apologized for my timing, she stepped back, and let me finish.
Coffee, water, purse, and camera, in hand, I made my way to an overstuffed chair, in the very comfortably designed room, which was awash with light from clearstory windows. When approaching the chair, I had noticed that the tables, in front of this sitting area, were too far away, to be of use, to me; however, tucked between and towered over, by the chairs, were small tables, which were happy to house my coffee and water. I sat down, and settled in to begin my happy pondering, when a few minutes later, the same woman, approached the area, and also tried to resolve where to put her beverage. I did not want to be presumptuous, but as she tried to move the larger tables, I pointed out the small ones, beside the chair. She was as relived to find them as I had been, and commented that she had worked, at the museum, for over fifteen years, and could not believe she had not seen them before.
We exchanged pleasantries, quite literally, and then went back to our own world, until a twenty something man, began to lick a small Smucker’s plastic container of honey, in front of us. We were then invaded by a group of twenty something men, whose only interest, in the café, seemed to be playing a version of musical chairs.
She began to speak to me again: The world has changed so much, hasn’t it? I agreed that it had. Why, she asked? Why are things like this, I do not understand, she continued. Again, I agreed with her. We talked about the advantages people had today, the access to information and art, she told me about her three trips to Africa, and I then mentioned my Mother’s trip to Kenya, one of the three countries the woman had visited, as well. We talked about how Americans need to travel abroad more, so that they can understand what an amazing country of opportunities this is, the disruptions, however, continued. We both went back to our beverages, when she again spoke up, it is civility she said. There is a lack of civility, in our country, she concluded. I could not agree more, I said. We then contemplated civility and good manners, before returning to a polite silence.
I finished my coffee, collected my things, and thanked the woman for conversing with me, and wished her a good afternoon, and she the same for me. I had wanted to tell her about my recent experience with civility, but refrained and went on my way.
On April 20, 2015, Governor Jeb Bush’s facebook page, posted an opportunity, to win a trip to Miami, to have lunch with the Governor. For a moment, I thought about entering; but I knew I would not be free to travel the next week. However, I scrolled down the comments, and found myself naively shocked. Why in the world would people say such horrible things, needlessly? I do not make it a practice to comment in public formats, but I was stirred with indignation, and wrote the following comment:
Cristina Jill Mosqueda I cannot believe the lack of civility, I find so many of these comments unnecessarily nasty. If one does not care for a public figure, why bother to follow them, on facebook? If we do not put aside our differences, and look for a way to work together, we will be looking at another President Clinton.
Like · Reply · 16 · April 20 at 4:43pm
I was not prepared for the reaction to my comments, the last by a therapist, with a Ph.D., who said I was a “big fat clown” because of what I had written. It took me about thirty seconds to find the woman, on the internet. In possession of her personal and professional information, I thought about publishing the entire string of comments, on these pages; including a well worded tirade about what kind of therapist resorts to name calling, to make a point; but thankfully a cooler head prevailed, and I stepped away from the editorial, to think more about this.
In the meantime, as a nation, we have once again, seen a major city assaulted by her citizens. Could civility have prevented the insanity in Baltimore? I wonder how things might have turned out, if Mr. Gray, regardless of guilt or innocence, had been civil to the Police Officers. Had Mr. Gray not run, would the Officers have treated him the same? What if the Officers had been civil to Mr. Gray and not assumed that his request for medical assistance was a ploy? If people suddenly decided to be polite, not even kind, just polite, how might things change?
Why have so many of us become so mean-spirited? I am often shocked by what people say, do, and post on social media. Are people angry and hurt, looking for a way to express themselves? Do they think they are cleaver? Or do they simply think that their words are meaningless and powerless – they are not, you know.
It feels like we are living in a world without social, religious, or even conventional mores to guide us; and left to our own devices, cynicism has replaced humor, vulgarity has replaced romance, and profanity has replaced vocabulary. There are better ways to express frustration than assaulting humanity either with our words or deeds. Would it not be refreshing to have people honestly express themselves?
Instead of insulting the therapist back and publishing her contact information, questioning her professionalism, what if I said that I was actually hurt by her comments. I like clowns and find it sad to be despairingly associated with a clown. I loved the circus, and have fond memories of being under the big top, why are you calling me a clown? And fat, who wants to be called fat, especially in this day and age?
I am tired of mean people. I am tired of back handed comments. I am tired of straight to my face insults.
In America, we truly have the power to lead the life we want; yes for some their dreams are fulfilled more easily than for others, but there are too many examples, all around us, for any to proclaim that we do not live in a land of opportunity. We must all face adversity, some created by others, some by our own hand, and some by the force of the wind, rain, and shaking earth, which only God can control. But how we deal with hardship or annoyance or frustration is what matters. We all have choices to make.
For me, I am going to conclude that the man at the museum was hungry, and the honey hit the spot, and the therapist had a bad day and does not like Republicans, but I will not be publishing her comments or the links I used to verify her profession. However, I will also continue to raise my voice for civility and work toward a world where people are nice to one another, or at the very least not so mean.
Design your life, as you please, you only get one shot, by all means, go ahead and take it; but in the end, and there is always an end, your choices will define you. That Is All For Now
