Two Lives Lost
I needed you yesterday.
No, I feared that I would need you;
and you would not be there.
It reminded me of her,
oddly, she was there yesterday;
but she was not there the day I needed her.
You have so much in common.
No, that is my delusion speaking.
Decades separate you, as well as a continent,
and the mysterious chromosome
which define us all.
The Island binds you together, and me.
My world was spinning.
It was not real.
Today everything is fine.
The sun has come up,
all is well;
but driving in the dark
I worried.
What if this does not end well?
What do I do?
Who do I call?
Would you be there?
Would you pick up the phone?
Would I find you sane?
The same fixation tortures you both.
You are shackled,
but it is by choice.
It holds you tight,
but you welcome its clutches.
You both find comfort in its grasp,
but it will break you.
I cannot free you.
I could not free her.
I cut you away.
I have no choice.
Like her you are sinking.
Your weight pulls me down.
I cannot breath.
You like the darkness.
You crave its arms.
You are at home in the shadows.
Night is the perfect mistress.
It covers you.
You take to the stage it sets,
certain that it has made you anonymous,
but I see you.
I do not want to see you.
but I see you.
The light is within you.
Close your eyes.
I do not want to see you.
I do not want you to be like her.
I do not want to care.
I see you.
You cannot keep them closed.
You want to be and not be,
all in the same moment.
No responsibilities, no consequences, no expectations
– that is not a sentence, but it is truth
That is not a life.
I cut you away, but like her you come back.
Why do you not let go?
What do you want from me?
I cannot think I have you,
and then know that I do not.
What if I had needed you?
What happens the day I do need you?
Like her, you will not be there,
but I hold my delusion,
and think perhaps.
But I am wrong.
I will need you,
and you will not be there.
~ Cristina Jill Mosqueda ~
