Joan Hayden
The heat seems endless this year. I have just come in from watering the plants on my porch, and giving a drink of water to the ducks. Oddly, our ducks prefer to be on land, rather than cooling themselves in the lake. I have recently transplanted my bay leaf tree and a variegated gardenia. Both plants were in the ground, but too close to the house. I have put them in large pots now, and both seem to be thriving. As I watered them, I thought about the fact that Joan Hayden actually gave me both plants. The bay leaf she ordered as a single stem plant, because she knew I wanted one, and the variegated gardenia she gave me when she decided to move. She also ordered a coffee plant for Kate, wanting Kate to be a part of the garden and knowing how much she loved coffee!
We met Joan at the pool, where she remarked that she use to see me, day and night, on my hands and knees, digging in the ground. Kate responded that we were trying to do some landscaping, and Joan interrupted to say that she only saw Kate bring me water! We laughed hysterically. In those days Kate did work nights, and I would often garden in the evening, when it was cool. Kate did often bring me water, and she has done more than her share in our garden.
It has been a long time since Joan Hayden moved away from our little neighborhood, but Joan is always with me. This morning, as we sat in the living room, while I drank my morning coffee, I looked at the one of the many flamingos which Joan gave me. This one is quite spectacular, and for some reason, Kate decided when it first came to us, that it would walk around the house. We recently relocated it. I do not know if anyone else ever notices that we move it around to different locations, but we do.
As Kate and I spoke, I kept looking at the flamingo, which I know Joan would be proud for me to say she found at a yard sell – she has a great eye! I thought about the actually brief time Joan and I were neighbors, and the amazing impact she made in my life. I loved Joan because not only did she have a boisterous voice, but because she accepted my own need to speak my mind! It was a mutual admiration society which formed a deep bound. She is strong and powerful and unapologetic, but also one of those rare people who tuned in to the people she loved and actually cared about showing her love.
Joan was very generous with me, but she was generous with me with things that I loved, which does not always happen. Not only do I keep Joan’s flamingo in my living room, but a hand painted plate, which perfectly fits. She is also the Mother of my Hong Kong Orchid and so many of my other plants – as a love of gardening was another one of our shared passions.
I was sad when Joan moved, but happy for her as I believed she was pursuing her own dreams. Since that move she has now gone even further away, but is still with me. I look over at what will always be her house, and I think she would be pleased to know that Maria and Jose have expanded her garden with fruit trees galore. I think about Joan’s puppies and her joy in finding perfect beds and toys for each – just like she would find perfect toys for me!
It is not often you meet someone who takes the time to truly notice us, and get to know who we are, but Joan did just that – she actually cared about me, and showed it. She is scattered about my house, and I love when I come across a little cat, Limoges type box, which when you open exposes a little mouse – she thought it was cute, and even though we were both dog people, she brought it home to me. I have beautiful old handkerchiefs which Joan gave me, yes I still carry a handkerchief; one of my favorite being, one monogrammed with a J, which had once been hers. The best gift Joan gave me was her. Joan befriended us through what became very dark days, as I have already written here in the past. She stood with us, and never waivered in her support. I knew that Joan actually loved me, and that is a rare and priceless gift.
I know Joan reads these pages and I know the last few years have seen a few more heartaches than anyone should have to endure, and I am sorry. I also know that so often we think of reaching out and we do not. Today Joan I have thought a lot about you, and I want you to know that I miss you, and not just because you gave me such wonderful gifts – though you know I love surprises – especially if you got a good deal! I miss your laughter Joan. I miss you stopping buy with the latest gossip. I miss us plotting the over throw of the evil board (Kate is still on that boardL). I miss your enthusiasm for your latest find. I miss standing on your porch and examining all of your beautiful orchids in bloom. I miss you playing with the puppies. I miss your exasperation with our politicians. I miss you being so excited about life. I miss sharing life with you!
Life goes too quickly and people run in and out of our lives, often leaving only the faintest of imprints; but there are others who boldly leave their mark on us and on life! I think sometimes we feel that if a life does not hit the “rich and famous” category it has not sufficiently counted, but that is untrue. The imprint that matters is the one we leave because we have cared for others.
I know life is too hectic and we all have too many problems, but I also know that the regrets which mount up in life are the ones which involve people we love and yet overlook. I honestly do not know if I have ever thanked Joan for all that she brought into my life. Yes, I am a thank you note person, and have thanked her for her various gifts, at the time, but in case I have not made it clear Miss Joan Hayden, I truly thank you for imprinting my life! I thank you so much that you left so much of you here with me, to daily remind me of you! I love you Joan!
Is there someone you are thinking about? Give them a call; they really do want to hear from you. That is all for now.
